Fruit and Cheese Day!

Happy Pearl Harbor Day!  75 years ago, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, thus ensuring the United States of America entered World War 2.

Also, it was Fruit and Cheese Day!  This is a day when Shortcake and Santa and people bring in fruit and cheese.  It's an attempt to have one day where the focus is on  - well, not healthy items, but healthier items than cookies and candy.  And it is a wonderful tradition.  It really is one of Shortcake's better ideas.  Because cheese is delicious.  Also fruit.  Mostly cheese.

This was the spread.


Hmmmmm.  Other stuff that happened today.  Oh!  Santa went to JFK for an event with Mrs. Claus and Spritz and Sprinkles and Cider.  There was a discussion if Santa should wear his harness.  He likes to lean out of the plane and wave with both hands, while Cider holds him into the plane by his harness.  And Santa got bruises last year from the harness, so he thought about not wearing it, but then Cider pointed out, if he didn't have a harness, there would be no way for Cider to hold on to him, and then Santa could fall out of the plane.  Santa wore his harness.

Shortcake spent a lot of the day dealing with schedules and logistics.  It's the kind of stuff Shortcake loves doing, but it takes a lot of mental energy, especially if she's also doing her normal tasks in the Land.

Poor Shortcake was late to work today.  She left her house 1 minute later than usual, so she missed her train (look, not everyone gets to commute via sleigh) (the train was closing its doors as she walked into the station), and then the next train was slow and paused for train traffic (seriously - it's rush hour - can't you plan for train traffic by this point?  Hasn't the MTA been doing this for over 100 years?) and then Shortcake set off the emergency alarm as she tried to take the back stairs to the 8th floor, so she had to take the long way through the store and down an escalator, and so she was 8 minutes late which drives her nuts.  And to add insult to injury Cider was there before her when he wasn't supposed to get there before 9:15....  AUGH.  Shortcake was filled with rage.  She was made at the trains, at the MTA, at real estate housing policy, at physics.  Mostly at herself.  If she had just left earlier.

Both Cider and Blissful are under the weather this week.  Cider feels like he has ball bearings in his throat, and Blissful can't keep down solid food.  She's surviving on smoothies.  Poor thing.

There was a proposal in the Village.  She said yes.  Really, it's hard to get excited about these now.  Shortcake's seen or heard about so many over the years.  Of course people are going to propose in front of Santa.

There was a mean, mean woman today.  She refused to go into the house Butterscotch led her to.  So she stood in the middle of the Village and picked a fight.  Dumpling got Shortcake.  The woman said she wanted to see the elves, and then see Santa.  Shortcake confirmed she had, in fact, been through the Maze, and then pointed out that the next step was seeing Santa.  The woman said - wait, we'll do it like a script.

MEAN, MEAN WOMAN: The people in front of me in line went that way.
SHORTCAKE: Santa has one house, but many doors.  (Shortcake looks significantly at the woman.)
MMW: I want to see the elves and then Santa.
S: The elves take you to see Santa.
MMW: But those people went that way.
S: You can go with Butterscotch and go this way to see Santa or you can go with Chuckles and go that way to see Santa.  But you can only go with one elf.
MMW: I will go this way and then I will go that way.
S: No.  You can go left or right.  Both ways will take you to Santa, but you must pick one.  Left.  Or right.
MMW: I will go here and then I will go there.
S: No.  You have to pick one.
MMW: She (meaning Butterscotch) was disrespectful.  I don't like her attitude.  She touched me too much.
S: (frantically trying to figure out a diplomatic way out of this without throwing Butterscotch under the bus and failing) I will talk to her about her behavior.  But you need to pick a way to go.
MMW: I'll go this way.
S: Thank you.
(MMW walks away and Shortcake immediately turns to Butterscotch, who is crying, and apologizes and gives her a HUGE hug and then Treetop hugs them both.)

St. Nick Day!

HAPPY ST. NICK DAY!

Shortcake loves St. Nick Day.  It's the best.  (She also just spelled her name "Shortcale."  Ha.  "Shortkale."  So not as good as "Shortcake.")


Look at all the presents she got!


And here's the spread at Santaland.  Mandarin oranges and chocolate chip cookies.  Homemade chocolate chip cookies.  Made by Shortcake.  And they were good.  Shortcake is not humble about her cookies.  She knows exactly how to make them, and they are darn good.


St. Nick brought Shortcake an elf hat.  Shortcake hates this picture of herself, but check out the awesome photo bomb by Ruby.


Han Solo Flamingoooooooooooo got into the Santa spirit.

Santa has decided that Shortcake has a completely different personality in the morning versus at night.  Remember that?  Well, he has also decided that Shortcake does not check on him during the day.  Which she does.  About once an hour, she wanders the Village, poking her head into Santa's house and checking on him.  Often, he's in a visit, so she checks in with the elf, looks at Santa, and moves on her merry way.  Santa didn't believe her.  Harumph.

Shortcake picked a terrible headset on Monday.  It kept falling off her head.  Cider picked an excellent headset on Tuesday, so Shortcake made a point of setting it aside and keeping it for Wednesday morning.  Because a good headset is hard to find.  So you keep that sucker.  Your hoard it.

Mr. Claus!

Shortcake once again brought her ukulele to work.  

Santa played it for a bit.

Then he tried to teach her a strum pattern to "Hotel California."  It sort of worked?

At the end of the night, after the Village was empty, Shortcake took Santa on a tour of the maze.  Specifically the Express Pass section.  He hadn't gotten to see it this year, and since this was a rare opportunity, Shortcake gave him the VIP treatment.  Because Santa is a VIP.  Also, this delighted the elves.

Whiteflowers at work: Penguin, Serafina and Jubilee.

A strawboss at work.

Krampusnacht

Monday was December 5, which was Krampusnacht.  It's the night before St. Nicholas Day when Krampus comes and punishes the bad children and St. Nick comes and rewards the good children.

Shortcake had Santa take a special photo in honor of Krampusnacht and sent it to Krampus.  And, no, you cannot see it.

Mondays are very special days because they are the only weekday mornings Shortcake gets to spend in the Land.  Usually, she only works weekdays, and mostly mornings.  But this year, Cider gets (most) weekday mornings.  So Shortcake treasures her time with Peppercorn and Mr. Claus.  She spent at least an hour gossiping with Mr. Claus and Peppercorn, catching up on all the news and tidbits and times Mr. Claus sassed people.

Oh!  Update on Cider's birthday!  Ruby took him to an archery lesson, and he loved it.  Both he and Ruby said they would go again, and that Shortcake should definitely do it because she would like it.  If only Shortcake had time.  Silly responsibilities getting in the way of archery lessons.

Since it was a slower day, Shortcake brought her ukulele in and got her Christmas photos with Santa.


Shortcake finds it hilarious to take photos with absurdly tall persons.  Like Treetop.  And Santa.


Shortcake with Santa and Sugar (on the left), an elf whose name Shortcake forgot, and Sparky (on the right)


Shortcake at work.  Look at the shade she can throw.


Shortcake pretending to play a song to Santa.


Santa giving Shortcake a kiss.


Shortcake giving Santa a kiss.


Kyle came back for another visit!


And he played the uke.


Then Santa played the uke.

In other news, Shortcake wore her hair down all day.  This is quite an accomplishment.  Pretty much, as soon as she starts moving, she puts her hair up in a ponytail.  It gets it off her neck and is a convenient place to store pens and pencils.  People see her with her hair down and they think she styled it.  Or cut it.  Or did something with it.  But no.  It's just down.

Maze photos

Sunday, December 4 was another busy day.  Apparently all the big families in the Tri-State area decided to come see Santa.  You know, the families with 5 children, 12 adults, and 5 strollers.  Because every child needs its own stroller.  Heaven forbid the parent carry the child.  Or the child walk.  So the line was super, super long.  And there were strollers all over the village.

BUT.  There was no register line nonsense.  The sales elves seem to have gotten their act together (knock on wood) (no, seriously, knock on wood) (knock on ALL the wood).

Santa has an event on Saturday/Sunday mornings at a restaurant in Macy's called Stella.  It's called "Breakfast with Santa," and he goes down to take pictures with people while they have a fancy schmancy breakfast.  Usually Spritz and Sprinkles go with him, but they were both unavailable (poor Spritz felt very sick), so Pepper went with him.  Pepper did a great job.  No really.  His personality perfectly complements Santa's, and he's very good with liaising with the camera people and keeping order as the families go to see the man in red.

Shortcake didn't take any photos on Sunday, so here's some of the maze.


Look!  It's a milk truck!


Look!  A wooden cart-thing!


An elf directing the snowperson choir!


An elf playing cymbals!

Piss and Vinegar

Shortcake walked into Santaland on Saturday and was greeted by streamers and balloons and a sign that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIDER!"  Because Cider's birthday was on Friday.  Sadly, Shortcake couldn't be there for it, but she gave him a birthday card, and did her part to make his birthday as big a deal as possible.  Because Cider hates that.  Also, because he's now as old as Jesus.  Just like Shortcake.  He's only a mere 8 months younger than her.  

Shortcake had a not so happy surprise once she walked through the streamers.  An elf had gotten Santa's water.  Now, Shortcake knows this is a very sweet thing to do, and she should applaud the elf's intentions don't look a gift horse in the mouth, etc, etc.  BUT.  It is Shortcake's job to fill Santa's water cooler with ice and water.  And it's not like she was late.  Or busy doing other stuff.  She is perfectly capable of filling Santa's water.  And she does not take well to other people doing her job.  

Yes, Shortcake realizes how petty and small this sounds.  YES, Shortcake is aware she needs to just shut up and not say anything and let it happen.  Which, by the way, is what she does.  She just sighs and accepts it and says thank you as brightly as she can.

By the way, if Shortcake is smiling widely at you, but she's not laughing then she's probably inwardly sighing and ranting.  The wider she smiles, the more annoyed she is.  It's 'cause she's from the Midwest.  (Shut up.  Elves can come from anywhere.)

Oh!  And they were out of coffee.  Shortcake doesn't care, because she doesn't drink coffee, but Santa does, so Shortcake had to text people and ask them to bring in coffee.

It was a busy day, but what else do you expect on a Saturday?  We were understaffed with elves and there was a stupidly long register line.  Like, all the way down one hallways and stretching to the end of the other hallway.  Shortcake was unable to do her job because the register line was so long.  LAME.  

But there was the best surprise.  (Shortcake is all about the italics today.)  (Even though she read a book and a character in there chastised another character for using too many italics.  But you know what?  Ryan North uses capital letters in Dinosaur Comics.  SO THERE.)


Kyle & Pippin came to visit!  HUZZAH!  Pippin couldn't be at Santaland this year because she has a fancy job working with dinosaurs or something, but she still came by to say hi.  YAY!

Santa was in the best mood for the visit.  He was moving at a hundred miles an hour, filled with Christmas cheer.  He described himself as "full of piss and vinegar."  Shortcake asked him if he had coffee that morning, and he said "Yes, I had an espresso" and then hustled out of the room.

Look, it's not that great a story to retell, but Shortcake about fell on the floor laughing when he said that.

Here's what Santa looks like in action, visiting two adorable kids.

Standing on the magic box.

Answers to Questions

Dear Shortcake,

How much do pictures with Santa cost?  And how do I get a reservation on Express Pass?  When can I see Shortcake and Santa?

-A Person Shortcake Completely Made Up

Dear Person Shortcake Completely Made Up,

Shortcake works Sat-Mon from opening until 3pm.  She also works Tuesdays from 3pm-close.  She will work all day on Christmas Eve.  And there are two changes to this general schedule.  She will work opening to 3pm on Wed, Dec. 7th, and opening to 3pm on Tues, Dec. 20th.

Here's the Express Pass website: www.macys.com/santaland

Here is a picture of prices and packages:


Love,
Shortcake

Sloooooooooooooooooooow Wednesday

Shortcake covered a shift for Blissful, so she worked a Wednesday, which she usually does not do.   But Shortcake is always willing to A) help her fellow strawbosses out and B) earn more money and C) spend some time with Night Crew.

Shortcake asked Santa for some music, so he gave her Donny Hathaway's greatest hits album.  Here's his most famous song.  You may recognize it.

And here's this amazing rendition by Patti LaBelle.  It's hilarious.  So many things go wrong.  Just watch.

Remember the flamingo from a few days ago?  It has a name now.  Han Solo Flamingoooooooooo.  Yes, all those 'o's matter.

Shortcake and Cider got into a heated discussion about teleportation.  It started when Cider asked Shortcake what she asked Santa for for Christmas.  And Shortcake said the same things she always asks for: teleportation and self-discipline.  At which point, Cider was like "So you can rob a bank, right?"  And Shortcake was affronted that he would even think her capable of that.  Shortcake wants to teleport so she can live in her favorite city and work in a different city (where her work is better paid and has more opportunities).  At which point Cider said that was a waste of the superpower and dragged her into see Santa for his two cents.  Santa also said Shortcake's plan was a waste of teleportation.  Shortcake insisted never wanting to rob a bank was evidence of her higher moral standard.  At which point Turducken joined the conversation and the house came to a complete standstill over a teleportation argument.  (Luckily, it was a slow day.)

Shortcake has a confession.  It's not so much a confession.  It's a well-known fact, but she's never shared it here before.  *deep breath*  Shortcake likes Zac Efron.  Remember him?

This is when she first fell in love with him.

She is a devoted fan.  She sees all of his films (which is devotion, considering the films he's put her through).  Here he is again:

She likes him so much, her coworkers from last summer made her this picture:

Yes. Yes, that is Zac Efron riding a velociraptor while defending a castle from zombies.  It is EVERTHING.

Anyway.  Shortcake wants Zac to come visit Santa.  He was in town seeing Hamilton, surely he could stop by Macy's to see the man in red.  (Look, if he doesn't want Shortcake to know these things, he shouldn't Instagram them.)

And Santa likes teasing Shortcake about him.

And that is the point of this long Zac Efron story.

Oh!  Miss Denise is coming to visit Santaland!  Remember Miss Denise? She comes with a school group, and they get individual photos, and they're so well organized and Shortcake may have a friend crush on her and anyway the point is Miss Denise texted Shortcake!  *swoon*  They are coming in two weeks.  Shortcake can't be there, so she told Cider very firmly that he was to take special care of Miss Denise.

Fruit and Cheese Day is Dec. 7th!  Mark your calendars!

Let's end on a Christmasy note, shall we?  Santa had a visit from an adorable little girl.  She was 4, dressed in a red, plaid dress with white tights and sparkly silver, wait for it, sneakers.  She was so excited to see Santa.  She came in and jumped up and down and said "Hello Santa!"  Then she threw her hands in the air and jumped up and down and told Santa what she wanted.  When it came time for the photo she said "Cookies!  Cookies and SANTA!" and threw her hands in the air.  Adorable.

Santa and Shortcake