Autism Speaks

So last Sunday was Autism Speaks.  It was the first day Shortcake worked at Santaland this season.  She had to be there early because the event was at 8am.  What's the event, you ask?  Well.  It's a prearranged time when parents can bring their children who are on the spectrum to see Santa.  There's no music, the lights are muted, and the elves and Santa are trained how to interact with children on the spectrum.  It's a lovely event.

Here's the kicker.

The reservation system had reservations open from 7am-10am on Sunday.  Santaland didn't open to the public until 10am, but people showed up expecting to see him as of 7am.  The store wasn't even open.  So Santa had to see some people from the event AND people from the reservations.

Basically, the box office didn't talk to the production office about the performance schedule.

Insert roar of frustration here.

And we also had reservations for Monday and Tuesday.  We were going to soft open on Monday, forcing Cider to come in 2 hours early, (And Cider was NOT happy about that.  There may have been angry yelling texts exchanged.  Luckily, Shortcake is well versed in getting yelled toward over text.  No, that sentence may not have made sense, but yes, that is exactly when she meant to say.) but then the managers were able to e-mail the people with reservations (amazing what databases can enable) and tell them to come at 10am.  We did a small soft open on Tuesday because of another event - but that's Tuesday, and we're talking about Sunday.

The point is: Autism Speaks went well.  Once Santaland opened to the public, everything went smoothly.  We were busy all day, and it was Peppercorn and Shortcake aka the Dream Team.  Shortcake was still sick, so her energy was low all day.  She still felt confident about how she did her switches, and Santa was ready early after all his breaks.  Santa was at Breakfast with Santa forever.  He didn't come back up until after 1pm.  Good Lord, breakfast people.  Santa has other things to do, you know.

Oh, at one point Shortcake was walking behind Santa as he walked back into the Santa room.  He stopped to get water, but Shortcake didn't see him stop, so she walked directly into him.  Her face hit his shoulder.  Santa laughed and giggled at Shortcake.  She deserved it.

Here's the fancy vacuum Housekeeping uses to clean the Santa room.  It's labeled.  (If you can't see, it says "Santaland."


Puncake came to visit Santa after Shortcake got off work.



Santa asked Puncake what he wanted, and this time Puncake wanted a pet dolphin.  (Shortcake wanted self-discipline.)  Santa then quizzed Puncake on how he would care for the dolphin.  Here is a short play, highly paraphrased and subject to Shortcake's memory and interpretation:

PUNCAKE: I would like a pet dolphin.
SANTA: Do you have an aquatic habitat for the dolphin to live in?
PUNCAKE: I would also like an aquatic habitat.
SANTA: And what will you do to keep the dolphin entertained?
PUNCAKE: Play games.
SANTA: I like the way you think.  What games?
PUNCAKE: Basketball.
SANTA: Hm hm.
PUNCAKE: [some other game that Shortcake can't remember, but it doesn't matter]
SANTA: You lost me.
PUNCAKE: Water polo.
SANTA: And we're back.  And how will you engage the dolphin's mind?
PUNCAK: Build a maze.
SANTA: I like the way you think.

And then Shortcake and Puncake went home to do, wait for it, it's gonna be legendary, laundry.  But first Puncake found a musical instrument on the subway and played it.

Yeah, that green rafter steel thing has buttons you can push to make sounds.  This made Puncake very happy.

Black Friday and Saturday

Well kids, gentle readers and other folks,

Surely you're wondering how the new reservation system went on Black Friday.  Shortcake does not have an answer for you.  She did not work Black Friday.  She heard, through the grapevine, aka Cider, that it did not go well.  There was a glitch in the system, so it was double-booking reservations.  The line was wound through housewares instantly, as soon as Santa opened.  Santa and the elves in the Village did great. Cider was so proud.  Apparently, we saw 8000+ people that day, a record number, and none had to wait more than 2 hours.  So.  Yay Santaland.  It just stressed out Cider and the white flowers. 

What did Shortcake do on Black Friday if she was not at Santaland?  Well.  She went to see plays.  She saw 4 shows in 2 days (Friday and Saturday).  In order she saw The Wolves (very good), Office Hour (thought-provoking), The Last Match (very good), and SpongeBob SquarePants (delightful).  (Oh, and she saw Tiny Beautiful Things and Illyria before Thanksgiving.  It was a big theater week.)


Someone helped hook her up with tickets for SpongeBob just because she's Santa's helper.  See that?


With the exception of SpongeBob every single one of those shows was about 90 minutes, no Intermission.  YES.  THAT IS THE DREAM.  YES.  And only SpongeBob was on Broadway.  And only SpongeBob was a musical.  So.  Good week.

Here's Puncake at his first Broadway show:


You know who else Puncake met for the first time?  Santa!  He actually met him twice.  The first time he got so flustered that when Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas he said "a pet rhinoceros."


The next time they saw Santa, Shortcake became very emphatic about needing stretchy limbs.  (She asked for teleportation the first time - it really would solve a lot of her problems.)


And then Puncake said he wanted a pet triceratops.


Also, if you were wondering Shortcake had a cough from hell on both Friday and Saturday.  At all the shows she would pre-unwrap cough drops, rationing 1 per 20 minutes and sit with a box, an entire box, of Kleenex on her lap.  She tried so hard to be a good audience member.

Between shows on Sunday they went exploring, saw some windows.  Here's the Columbus Circle stars:



And here's the Saks Fifth Avenue display:


And here's Rockefeller Center.  It was a mite crowded.

For some reason, Shortcake looks sinister in many of these selfies.  There is no explanation.

Thanksgiving

Well, kids, Shortcake had plans for Thanksgiving.

She was going to run the Turkey Trot, get her medal, go grocery shopping, pick up Puncake from Port Authority, then go to Thanksgiving at her friends' place bearing the gift of pecan pie.

She did some of those things.

She did not run the Turkey Trot.  She woke up with a terrible cough, much worse than before, and decided that running in the cold would not be beneficial, as much as she wanted that medal.  So she read a book instead.  (The Wish Granter, for those wondering.)  She forced herself to go buy drugs and Kleenex at Rite Aid (None of this 2-ply nonsense for Shortcake.  Her nose is sensitive.  She must have lotion Kleenex.).  She forced herself to go grocery shopping.  Then she watched The Christmas Prince which was... terrible.   She napped and showered through The Parent Trap starring Hayley Mills.

And she went to Port Authority to meet Puncake as he came off the shuttle bus from Newark airport.  What, do you not know or remember who Puncake is?

He's this guy:

He's the man, or elf, in Shortcake's life.  And he came to New York for the holiday to spend time with her.  And she proceeded to cough all over him and have no energy.  Thanksgiving dinner was pasta with butter and parmesan cheese.  Thanksgiving night they watched The Holiday and Bringing Up Baby because Puncake had seen neither.  Shortcake colored a little bit, but mostly she sat on the couch, coughing, and drinking tea.

It was an underwhelming Thanksgiving.

Soft Open

Well kids, it was that time of year.  The soft open.  When we open for 3 hours the Tuesday before Thanksgiving to give the new elves practice with real people.  The store opened at 10am, so the first hour was only employees.  It was a slow day.  It was the last day all three strawbosses were in.
Shortcake got to wear the headset.  Here she is in full strawboss glory:


It was an easy day.  She spent some time talking to the new elves about the strawboss sign language and common things they would hear from her like "Be a wall!" and "Close that door!" and "MOVE!"  She explained if she snapped at an elf it was not personal, just that Santa was her priority and if Santa was on the move, then elves got out of his way - not the other way around.

Shenanigans came in to visit Santa.  He was hungry, so right after this picture he started fussing.


Oh!  Stop the presses!  Exciting news!  MISS DENICE IS COMING BACK!  Yes, Shortcake's favorite school group, Miss Denice is coming on December 8th.  That's not a day Shortcake usually works, but she's gonna go in for the morning because she can't miss Miss Denice two years in a row.  She just can't. 

And now you won't hear from Shortcake again for a bit.  Her first shift of the season is on Sunday.  So.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Watch the parade and wave hi to Santa.  (Shortcake will be running a 5 mile race that her body is not prepared for, but when did Shortcake ever listen to her body?  Certainly not before she ate that brownie that she did not need.)  Santa is planning to be busy on Black Friday - we already have over 5000 reservations!  Come on 2017!  Be a good season!

Training

Actual text conversation between Shortcake and Blissful:
SHORTCAKE: We don't have an event today, do we?  I don't have to look like an adult?
BLISSFUL: Nope.
SHORTCAKE: Excellent.  Jem and the Holograms Beauty and the Beast shirt, here we come.


Have you read Hogfather by Terry Pratchett yet?

Well, you should.  Shortcake finished it this week, and it was quite good.  It's a Discworld novel, and it's very Terry Pratchett, which makes it delightful and ridiculous, but it's also an examination of belief and what makes us human.  And it's Christmas-themed, but not, because they don't have Christmas in Discworld.  No, you don't have to read the other Discworld novels.  No, it's not a hard book (Although Shortcake did have to look up what "verruca" was.  It's a wart.  Verruca warts.).

ANYWAY.

Training was Sunday.  The strawbosses were in charge for the first year ever.  Shortcake put together a syllabus, Cider tweaked it and Patches provided coffee and snacks.  We were on the swanky 14th floor.  Shortcake handed out a contact sheet (Santa had been asking) and took attendance (because she wanted to and neither Cider nor Blissful minded).  Cider did most of the talking. Shortcake told a joke.  ("What's brown and sticky?  A stick."  Santa wasn't amused, but it's one of Shortcake's favorites.)  During the practicals section, Shortcake got to pretend to be a child.  She did this many times, pretending to be a normal child, a scared child, and a child in a school group.  She was very good at it.  During the scared child section, she gave Santa side eye like he's never received before. 

Oh! Macy's management told Santa about the new reservation system.  You HAVE to have a reservation to see Santa this year - no exceptions!  You can go to this website: www.macys.com/santaland and make a reservation five days in advance.  And you can see all the times available when you go.  OR you can go to the store and make a reservation at a kiosk.  You can still walk-up, but you have to make a reservation before you enter the train.  This is supposed to help keep the line down, so it's not longer than Stroller Alley.  So if you get there and the next reservation available is in 3 hours, you can make it, then go get food or shop or pee or go to the 9th floor reindeer pen (no actual reindeer will be represented or involved - Santa keeps his on the roof, duh), and come back happy to stand in a line that hopefully is shorter than an hour.  Shortcake made a reservation and she gets to see Santa whenever she wants.  So you can do it too.

Cider ended the training by passing this picture around:

He said this picture was the reason we came back every year.  Santa provides an escape, a safe space, a place of cheer where everyone is accepted and welcomed.  And Shortcake got all teary-eyed just thinking about it.  Seriously.  Just go read Hogfather.  Yes, this is a non sequitur, but it made sense in Shortcake's head, so GO WITH IT.

Then we all traipsed down to the land and joined elf training.  Shortcake made sure Santa had practice at all the possible scenarios (shy child, screaming child, school groups, Autistic child, parents with cell phones, reshoots, tall kids, foreign language kids) while Cider kibbitzed in the Santa room and Blissful corralled elves.  (Yes, Blissful had been there all day.  She played Shortcake's mom in the practicals.)  Santa said the strawbosses did a great job at training this year, and Shortcake's chest swelled with pride.  'Course it was mostly Cider and Blissful.  Note to Shortcake: Give Cider and Blissful an EARS for training.

Here's the elves Shortcake works with.  Look at Cider in that fancy blazer.  Look at Ruby with tiny Shenanigans.  All these people hold a special place in Shortcake's heart.


During break, Shortcake went to visit the Family Fun Day.  There was a jazz trio outside the train.  What.


And she ran into these familiar elves while getting her lunch of a McDonald's McFlurry.  (No, Shortcake does not make good food choices, but she's #olderthanjesus and an adult and she's working on making better choices, just not right now.)

That's Happy Feet, Estrella and Teddy Bear for those who need a reminder.

We had Employee Preview that evening.  Cider was the main strawboss, so Shortcake didn't do much.  She wrote her letter to Santa and mailed it. 


She did make sure the strawbosses took their yearly photo.

Sigh.  This is what happens when you ask Santa to take your photo.








That's Blissful, Cider and Shortcake, although if you needed to be told that, Shortcake questions how long you've been reading the blog.  Which is your favorite strawboss photo?  Real question.  Shortcake can't decide.

Preseason Part 2

Blissful and Shortcake and Cider got together today to go over some last minute things before training tomorrow.

Yes, Santa gets training every year.  Just a reminder how it works at Macy's instead of all the other places Santa spends time.

Today was elf training.  Cider, as President of the strawbosses, spoke to the elves about who we are, what we do, and the things they need to know.  Shortcake shared the sign language strawbosses use.  Blissful said important things.  All very exciting.

Speaking of exciting:

Shortcake got markers!  It's exactly what she asked for!  Fat markers in primary and secondary colors!  Think of all the signs she can make!

Also, Fruit and Cheese Day has been scheduled for Wed, Dec. 13.  Mark your calendars for ALL the fruit and cheese.

This is one of Shortcake's favorite things about the Herald Square Macy's: wooden escalators!


Cider and Shortcake bonded over Sports Night.  You don't know what Sports Night is?  Well, neither does Blissful.  But Cider and Shortcake do.  They exchanged three high fives because Shortcake not only knew what it was, but she owns it, as does her boyfriend.  (What?!  Yes!  Shortcake has a boyfriend.  His name is Puncake.  You'll meet him over Thanksgiving weekend.)  Cider immediately told Shortcake she was Jeremy.  She countered that she had always thought she was Natalie.  Cider then informed that if she wrote fanfic, she was Jeremy.  Shortcake had to concede that she had, in the past, written fanfic, and was therefore, probably, Jeremy.  Cider debated whether he was Dan or Casey.  He decided Blissful was Kim.  If this entire paragraph makes no sense to you, you should go watch Sports Night immediately.

Shortcake then declared if she was on Parks and Recreation she was Leslie Knope.  Cider agreed.  He claimed he was a mix of Ben Wyatt and Ron Swanson.  Shortcake claimed she was a mix of Leslie Knope and Jerry Gergich.  Blissful said she was a mix of Leslie Knope and April Ludgate.   

Blissful confessed she had only seen one Star Wars movie.  Cider asked which one.  She said the first one.  That is the correct answer. 

In related news, Dorkwad sent this to Shortcake today.

Orientation

So every year all the elves and white flowers and strawbosses and Santa get together at Macy's and have an Orientation.

Santaland people are maybe the worst people to sit through a corporate orientation.  First of all, we've been through it multiple times.  This is Cider's tenth year.  Let's pause and consider that for a second, shall we?

Cider's been working for Santa for TEN YEARS.

Shortcake can hear you say "But Shortcake.  You and Cider started the same year."

Yes, yes we did.  Class of 2008.  BUT.  Remember when Shortcake couldn't be at Santaland in 2011?  Cider was an elf that year.  And then he and Shortcake started as Strawbosses together.  So.  It's Cider's tenth year.  It's Shortcake's ninth year.  It's Blissful's eighth year.  We're all very old and wise and cynical about Orientation.

But at least they serve hot chocolate and cookies.


Shortcake brought her clipboard to Orientation, and she felt very official.  She double-checked contact information for important people.  Again, this is why Cider is President, and Shortcake is Secretary.

Also, Snowdrop wore lots of bells - this is normal behavior for Snowdrop - but she got up in the middle of a presentation and jingle jangled her way to the trashcan and then jingle jangled her way back to her seat.  Santa giggled silently in his seat.  He was - as the kids say - slayed.


Orientation ended as it always does - with Santa reciting Twas the Night Before Christmas.  It's always charming and delightful.


Dumpling's already lounging on Santa's throne.


But no worries.  Santa's always watching.  As his flamingo.  Oh, you didn't think Santa had a flamingo?  Silly you.

2017 Preseason

Hello gentle readers,

Yes, it's true!  Shortcake is back!  She spent 2017 traveling around the country - what country, you ask?  Why the country of the United States of America.  She worked in San Diego and Baltimore and Indiana and Chicago.  She flew from St. Louis (Which, you are correct, was not listed in the above list.  Look, Shortcake went other places too.) to NYC for preseason (We've been over this.  Only Santa gets to use the sleigh.  Everyone else has to fly commercial airlines.) and ran into Whimsy in the airport!  All the elves are converging on Macy's Herald Square for the season.

Shortcake & Whimsy in the bathroom of LaGuardia airport.  Because even elves have to use the, ahem, facilities.

ANYWAY.  Cider, Blissful and Shortcake all met at Macy's bright and early Monday morning to do... stuff.  Conveniently, Shortcake had made a preseason checklist last season, and Cider expanded it to have something to reference for this season.  (Cider actually started his own checklist, and Shortcake just kept saying "I made one.  It's on Google Drive.  I shared it with you.  I made one.  It's on Google Drive.  You have access to it."  This is why Cider is the President of the strawbosses, and Shortcake is the Secretary.)  (Blissful is the Vice President.) 

New development this year: Strawbosses have a computer!  So exciting!  This year the binder, in which we keep all important strawboss things like the schedule and events and the calendar and contact info and stuff, is digital.  Okay, yes, we still have the actual binder, but most of the stuff is on the computer.  Which is also super helpful year after year.  This way if, for some reason, Shortcake decides not to return to Santaland (sometimes she misses the North Pole, you guys) Cider and Blissful will still have access to the paperwork - like the checklist!
   
Cider working hard at the computer


Cider working hard with Santa's water tubs in the background.  Yes, Santa drinks a lot of water.

Here's Shortcake working at the computer.  With the calendar in the background.  Shortcake made that calendar.  And then she let Cider put it together.  This was a big deal for her.  She was - what's the word - delegating.

Google celebrated the invention of the hole punch!  Shortcake was very excited.

And this is Shortcake working on the actual, non-digital binder.

Being a strawboss is hard work, you guys.

Patches, head of Santaland Herald Square, kindly provided seasonal mugs for the strawbosses.

Awwwwwwwwwwww

Oh!  Exciting news!  Cider and Ruby had a baby elf!  His name is Shenanigans!
   
Ruby holding wee babe Shenanigans.  He's so tiny!

Who's ready for the season to begin?

Santa is!