An Elf Story

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Press Event

Well readers, Shortcake and Blissful went in to work to do some more preseason things - cleaning, paperwork, etc, and they were surprised to learn the Press Event was this evening. And a strawboss was needed for it. Blissful and Cider were busy, so it fell to Shortcake to jump in. It was a good night, even if she had to cancel dinner plans with a friend to do it.

But before that. Shortcake did some paperwork and scheduling, because she likes paperwork and scheduling. No one is surprised. Not a single elf. Blissful made the bulletin boards look pretty AND organized the coffee station.

Isn't it beautiful? So neat and clean and there's storage room under the shelf to put all the coffee accessories.

The Press Event was super fun. Santa saw some families, and the register area was turned into a magical place.

With face painting! (Shortcake was unable to get her face painted. Sadness, indeed.)

With a band! They sang Christmas songs! Shortcake danced!

With a bar! With delicious fancy drinks!

With a hot chocolate station! The nice man gave Shortcake a hot chocolate! With a cinnamon stick!

Isn't it pretty?

Shortcake thought it was delicious. It was a special treat because Shortcake is on a No Sweets November kick. She is trying to break the sugar monster, and she has made it 16 days so far. (There was an exception made for the day of the New York marathon, as there will be an exception made for Thanksgiving. Some things are more important than not eating dessert. Like running 26.2 miles in one day or celebrating Thanksgiving with friends.) Oh, the desserts looked gooooooooood. Santa sampled them - Sweets and Latke made sure Santa was given all dessert options - and said they were delicious. Tempting. Very tempting. But Shortcake stood strong and drank her hot chocolate, as is allowed in the rules set forth by Shortcake herself. DON'T JUDGE HER, OKAY. THE RULES MAKE SENSE IN HER HEAD, AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

Sweets and Latke also brought fancy schmancy drinks to Shortcake and Katt (elf-name in process), so obviously there was a toast, and those fancy schmancy drinks were also delicious. Predictable. The only things Shortcake didn't get to try were teeny, tiny, adorable grilled cheese sandwiches. She had a teeny, tiny, shaped-like-a-gingerbread-person PB&J sandwich. But alas, no grilled cheese.

There were a lot of elves present, and they were a little under-utilized, so they ended up forming an elf gauntlet before taking a picture with Santa. He decided a group of elves is called a bauble. So, here Shortcake presents to you, a bauble of elves:

Left to right, that's: Licorice, Latke, an elf whose name Shortcake forget and that's humiliating, Tootsie (probably), Noel, Pringles and Dumpling.

Maybe Shortcake should not have named the elves in her description. Alas. Hindsight is twenty/twenty. And, no, now is not a good time to point out that this is a blog post on the digital, ephemeral, fickle internet and could easily be edited to correct her mistake.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Wednesday November 16

Today was the first official strawboss meeting. Cider, Shortcake and Blissful met with Patches - the new head of Santaland - to discuss special events and operational changes in the land. It was a good meeting. Then Cider and Shortcake talked Blissful through how to be super efficient on busy days - okay, really, it was Cider telling Shortcake and Blissful how he does it, since he's been in the trenches of the weekends for the last 4 years, and Shortcake has not. Then Shortcake hunkered down and worked on the calendar and other paperwork while Cider and Blissful did... other stuff.

It was a full day, but not much to talk about, really. So here's a picture of Shortcake with a Macy's sign.

And here's a reminder of when Santaland opens. November 25, 2016, to be specific.

Orientation!

Sooooooo, Shortcake is back at Macy's. As planned. She flew into New York on Sunday, and went to work bright and early Tuesday afternoon. Of course Cider was in on Monday, but, well, that's why Cider is the president of the strawbosses. Shortcake is the secretary of the strawbosses. And... do you know who the third strawboss is?

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

It's Blissful!

That's Blissful in front with Shortcake and Miss Denise and Santa from last year.

Cider and Shortcake are super excited about having her join the team.

Anyway, so Cider and Shortcake did preseason stuff. Cider washed Santa's cups, and Shortcake went to Macy's training. Remember Macy's training? When Shortcake has to fill out hiring forms and watch videos on the "MAGIC of Macy's" and "safety protocols" and "gun shooter safety." She's done them eight times previously. She started reciting them to the new hires in the elevators. It's boring and a little dumb to make Shortcake do it every. single. year. But, you know, corporations have corporate rules. But this year. This year! This year Shortcake did not have to watch the videos. She only had to fill out the forms. Huzzah! What a glorious day!

In the evening all the elves and strawbosses managers and Peppercorn and Gingersnap and Ruby and Santa got together for the big Santaland orientation. Shortcake hugged so many friends. Dash is back! Teddy Bear! Gingerbread! Star! Estrella! But there are so many new managers. Only two are returning. I know. No Dewdrop. Sadness.

Anyway. Santa wasn't supposed to be able to attend because he had an event, so they watched a video of him reciting "Twas the Night Before Christmas." Because Santa always recites it. BUT THEN. Santa burst into the room to ginormous applause and recited the entirety of "Twas the Night" in person. Because he's Santa. Then we all traipsed down to the Land to walk through the maze.

Shortcake and Blissful saw Santa and showed off their Christmas socks.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Shortcake returns in 2016

Gentle readers and followers,

Good news! Shortcake will return to the Macy’s, the interwebs and the cohort of bloggers this Christmas. For those counting, this will be her eighth year (in nine) working for Santa and her fifth year as a strawboss. She went in for her interview at Macy’s this morning (a mere formality at this point). They actually had the temerity to ask her why she wanted to come back this year. Shortcake gave the interviewer a look. You know, a look. The one that says “are you really asking me this question after I moved farther away from New York City than the North Pole and still came back every year?” The interviewer said they had to ask. Shortcake shook her head. Corporate rules. And she said she came back because it’s part of her identity now. If she’s not a strawboss, not an elf, not someone who takes care of Santa and protects the Christmas magic, then who is she? Certainly not Shortcake Jingleberry.

Also, what, we’re gonna leave Cider in charge? (That’s a joke.) (Mostly.) (Cider is a very capable elf who takes great care of Santa. Shortcake aspires to be just like him one day. Only female.)

But while Shortcake is constant like Lake Michigan, changes are afoot.

Krampus is not returning.

Noooooooooooooooooo, Shortcake hears you wail, while you read this on your internet-connected device.

‘Tis true. ‘Tis a pity, but ’tis true. Krampus proudly put in his nine years at Santaland and has moved on to warmer climes with gentler breezes.

Genie is not returning.

Nooooooooooooooooooo, Shortcake hears again, as you continue reading this disheartening missive.

Indeed. Genie has secured more consistent employment, and while she will miss Santa and is sad to leave him, it’s the best thing for her.

So that leaves an opening for a strawboss. (Of course Cider is coming back. Cider is heading into his ninth year at Santaland and his fifth as a strawboss. Cider and Shortcake are like Legolas and Gimli, sharks and lampreys, corruption and Chicago politics. One cannot get by without the other.) (Cider is Legolas, and Shortcake is Gimli.) (Cider is the shark and Shortcake the lamprey.) (It is unclear which strawboss is the corruption and which the Chicago politics.) (Metaphors and similes are hard.) (Shortcake doubts Cider is as attached to their partnership as she is.) (This does not hurt her feelings.) (Maybe Shortcake should stop writing in parentheses now?)

Ahem. Before she got distracted by her own comments, she was discussing the future third strawboss. Shortcake and Cider have not been consulted on who it should or will be. They will find out… soon, we hope?

Meanwhile so many other elves are coming back! Dash! Ruby! Peppercorn! Gingersnap! Dumpling! Ribbon! Tippytoes! Gingerbread! Hopefully Teddy Bear and Estrella and Spritz and Sprinkles! Pippin’s not coming back. Boooooo.

If you are hoping to visit Shortcake (and Santa) at Macy’s this year, please come Mondays, Saturdays and Sundays before 3pmand Tuesdays after 4pm. (Cider got first crack at the schedule, so he took almost alllllllllllllll of Shortcake’s preferred weekday opening shifts. Shortcake was shaking her fist and crying “Cideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer” until she realized he’s been working weekends for the last four years while she had them off, and it was her turn now, and also it was actually a very generous thing he did, since this schedule automatically gave her Dec. 21-23 off, which she needed. So then Shortcake apologized to Cider for being ungrateful.)

As always, when you come visit, tell the elf at the front line, the one wearing a headset, that you are there to see Shortcake. Or, if you can’t make it to New York, you can e-mail shortcake.jingleberry@gmail.com, and Shortcake will forward your message on to Santa.

We open Friday, Nov. 25, 2016 (Shortcake’s dad’s birthday!). Mark your calendars!

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Shortcake got lots of presents and cards this year. She made cinnamon rolls and bacon for breakfast, and Dorkwad made scrambled eggs.

They watched A Very Murray Christmas, which Shortcake had never seen (and was not too impressed with) and White Christmas, which Dorkwad had never seen (and was pleasantly surprised by).

Dorkwad's responses to White Christmas:

Beginning: "It's pretty alright. It's not a bad movie."
Danny Kaye starts singing: *sigh* "I miss Bill Murray."
Minstrel song: *making flight noises with Lego Star Wars figure* pew pew pew
Finale: *takes a nap*

Later, Shortcake and Dorkwad are headed to see the new Star Wars movie.

(Don't worry, Shortcake and Dorkwad watched Miracle on 34th Street last night. Oh, and baby Jesus made it into the Nativity, and the Wise Men continue their travels. The Wise Men are currently in the fridge.)

And, to finish the season, here's Shortcake's very favorite Christmas item, the letter to Virginia O'Hanlon:

DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’
Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

VIRGINIA O’HANLON.
115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

- See more at: http://www.newseum.org/exhibits/online/yes-virginia/#sthash.XqCl8M59.dpuf

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve! It was a Christmas miracle - there were two strawbosses. Cider was kind enough to take Shortcake's Wednesday shift after closing on Tuesday, and then he took the 6am shift on Thursday and let Shortcake come in and tag along on Christmas Eve.

This is why Cider is the best. (Freckles (the strawboss formerly known as Genie) is also the best.)

Patches turned the scheduling office into Krampusland, lorded over by General Krampus himself

Shortcake did manage to accomplish one thing - she changed the roll of toilet paper! She had to rip open the box, figure out how to pop open the dispenser, put the roll on the pole, and close the dispenser. Success! The elves rejoiced!

Teddy Bear and Shortcake

Two sets of friends visited Santa today. Isla and Anderson have seen Santa many times before - Isla is used to going straight up to Santa. She declared she wanted a playhouse with a slide (Shortcake thinks), but it would have to stay in the garage in the winter. Anderson cried, but... He's that age. Maybe next year.

Aria is a seven-year-old boy who had just flown in from Pasadena. His grandma brought him to see Shortcake and Santa, but he was having a bad day. Aria was convinced that he had been bad over the last two days, and he just couldn't face Santa. Shortcake talked to him, told him Santa kept watch over the entire year, and two days was not enough to cancel out the whole year. He met Noel and Peppermint Stick, and they gave him a hug. But Aria was very upset and overwhelmed. Shortcake told him he could come back any time that day, or send a letter to Santa, and she would make sure he got it.

This is not Aria's letter, but a card from someone who wanted to say "HI SANTA" and also wished for love. We're not sure if his/her name is Princess Jasmine, or if he/she wants a Princess Jasmine.

Patches gave Shortcake a Believe pin (bling! all the bling!), and Santa gave her a Christmas headband.

(Cider wore his bling on a chain. It was very Christmas gangsta.)

Ruby and Jim had different kinds of bling

And then. Oh, the Christmas Eve drama, kiddies. And THEN. All of the computers went down in the Village. The computers are connected to the cameras. No pictures could be taken or saved. Freeze Frame ran out of the house muttering "oh no." And this happened at 2:30pm. On Christmas Eve. With a 3 hour line.

The line stopped. The village stopped. Everything stopped.

And then the computers were fixed. Everyone breathed.

And then they broke. Again. The tension in the village was palpable. Apparently, the line in the maze almost rioted.

Meanwhile Shortcake is trying to make sure Santa gets a wee break while maintaining the magic of Christmas.

Thankfully, Freeze Frame got the system back up around 3pm. And we got the line going, and all of Santaland has never worked so hard. Everyone, including the visitors, was focused on moving quickly and efficiently. We had a (growing) 3 hour line that closed in an hour and a store that closed in 3 hours. We knew we had to get them in and back out.

So we did. The last family entered the house at 6:03pm. Santa did his final walk to the roof to get in his sleigh a few minutes later.

Oh, and remember the person who was cranky on Tuesday? The person was still cranky. This person literally did not talk to Shortcake all day. This was fine - Cider took care of the person, but then Cider had to leave. And then it got real awkward. It's hard to do a good job with someone who isn't talking. The most frustrating part is how Shortcake reacted. She knew not to take it personally. She knew it wasn't her - White Flowers, elves, Ruby, even Santa, told her she was wonderful and generous and good at her job and had a sense of humor and efficient and all the good things. But. She let this person's behavior affect her behavior, when she knew she needed to be the bigger person, to respond with kindness. And, somehow, she couldn't.

Shortcake is going to try harder next year.

At the end of the day, Shortcake hugged everyone good-bye, declared "I love you," and wished them all a Merry Christmas.

And she headed out to meet her brother Dorkwad. They drank caramel apple spice lattes, walked 5th Avenue looking at window displays, and took selfies. Dorkwad, in fact, hated taking selfies. He wasn't terribly fond of the windows either. But that's what Christmas is. Doing what your older sister tells you to because she's family.

Also, let's be a little concerned that Shortcake was comfortable in a sleeveless top, outside, on Christmas Eve. In New York. Climate change is a thing, people. It's a thing, and we should be concerned about it.

The Lord & Taylor windows are always one of Shortcake's favorites.

Another hated selfie in front of the NYPL lion

Saks Fifth Avenue deep sea diver - again, they usually have nice windows. Shortcake and Dorkwad did not stay to watch the LED musical light display because, well, it was entirely too crowded.

They did take a selfie far away from the Rockefeller Center tree.

Shortcake has no idea what store this was, but it's a pretty zen garden.

Tiffany's windows are delicate and pretty.

Yeah, this is a repeat of the Bergdorf Goodman windows, but it's one of Shortcake's favorites, and it's so much easier to see how shiny it is when it's not raining.