Monday, aka the day Cider lost his mind

Yes, Shortcake knows you want to hear about Cider.

But first!  Remember the weather strip that Shortcake asked for because the NYFD made her take down the wrapping paper on the back of the emergency exit door?  

When she came in on Sunday, this was what she got:

Let's have a closer look, shall we?

Yes, that is gaff tape.  Gaff tape is not a weather strip.

When she came in on Monday, this was being installed:

Here, have a close up:

Better than gaff tape, but still not a weather strip.  And, fun fact, it now prevents the door from closing all the way, so we tape it shut, with, you guessed it: gaff tape.

Anyway.  So, Cider.  Shortcake came in Monday afternoon expecting a normal day.  And she walked in to Cider wearing a hat.  Which he pointed at and said "Strawboss hat!"

There was no other explanation.

Then Cider put the hat on Shortcake's head and said she had to wear it all evening.  And then Cider got a call that Santa needed water, and wanted the hat back saying "I have to wear the strawboss hat when I do strawboss things!"  Shortcake told him if he wanted the hat, he had to take it.  Which he did.  And then he ran away.

At this point, it was explained that Cider had Krispy Kreme donuts, cookies and two cups of coffee that day.  At which point Shortcake told Santa he was never allowed to bring in Krispy Kreme donuts ever again.  Santa defended himself saying it was a birthday treat, and Shortcake told him firmly NO.  Never again.  (Cider's birthday was Saturday, December 2.  He is now #olderthanjesus.)

To prove Shortcake's point, here's video:

Shortcake took things into her own hands.  She took the hat off Cider's head, and took the radio and headset off his body.  But then Cider wanted to talk to Chance, who was at Main Exit.  So he stood close to Shortcake, some might say uncomfortably close, and talked to Chance through Shortcake's mic.  (a transcript of the conversation)

CIDER: Cider to Chance.

CHANCE: Go for Chance.

CIDER: Could you go down to Victoria's Secret and start checking people in on the iPad?

CHANCE: Sure thing, boss.

CIDER: No, you know what, go down to KMart across the street.  We'll get some good people there.

CHANCE: I could also go to Sephora?  I think they have a lot of people that want to see Santa.

Now, Shortcake is very comfortable with Cider as they have worked together for nine years.  But if someone was watching this interaction, Cider was definitely invading Shortcake's personal space.  Someone, like, say, the HR person sitting in the scheduling office.  Do not worry.  Cider did not get in trouble with HR because, as stated before, Shortcake did not mind.

Anyway.  So then Shortcake went to go to strawboss things, but Cider was bored, so he also did those strawboss things the way he likes to do them instead of how Shortcake does them.  They had a standoff on either side of a house, like Shortcake was at the front door of the house, and Cider was at the back door of the house, and they stared at each other across the house while there was a family seeing Santa and then Cider made finger gun gestures at Shortcake and ran away.

Shortcake and Cider did the strawboss things, and then Cider walked off into the Village, and Shortcake happened to also be going that way, so she followed Cider, which then turned into Cider running away from Shortcake and Shortcake chasing him.

Shortcake asked Cider why he didn't just go home and he said "I'm waiting for my son.  He's taking the train for the first time ALL BY HIMSELF."  Shenanigans is one month old.  He was not taking the train all by himself.  Ruby was bringing him.

Where was Tumbleweed while all this was happening?  Stretching.

Anyway.  Ruby finally arrived, and Cider left.  But not before Shortcake took these photos:

You'd think it would calm down after Cider left, but nooooooo.  Well, it was calm for, like, an hour.  Santa and Shortcake talked about the film Get Out which Shortcake had just seen.  If you have no seen it, please do so.  Well, see it if you are old enough to watch it.  Otherwise, wait until you are old enough (Shortcake does not condone seeing films without her parents permission even though she totally watched whatever she wanted after she was 15.).  Anyway, Santa and Shortcake agreed it's a fantastic film.

Santa brought in chocolate to share.

Shortcake has been trying not to eat chocolate or baked goods.  This is hard for her because she is addicted to sugar.  Not like, diagnosed addicted, or goes to meetings addicted, but eats far more sugar than is necessary for life or recommended for nutrition.  Remember that cold she had?  Well.  During the cold she didn't want chocolate or sugar or baked goods, so she went, like, a week without them without realizing it, and then she thought "How long can I go without eating them?"  Not as long as she would have liked.  Because on Monday, she started eating the Hershey's Kisses.  Santa tried to stop her.  He literally slapped the chocolate out of her hands.  And then chased her down a hallway while she ate one.  This wouldn't be a problem is Santa would just bring Shortcake the self discipline she asks for every year.

Earlier in the night, the line was in Parade hallway for inexplicable reasons.  We got the line down, and then Dumpling got on headset and wandered around as a "gray flower."  A "white flower in training" if you will.  Shortcake said he should be a red or green flower.  A black flower sounded too dark and sinister.

How about some photos just for fun?

Whimsy and Storybook

Brownie and Periwinkle and Licorice

Oh, here's the annual photo where we see how short Shortcake is in relation to Santa:

That's Apple Crisp with Shortcake and Santa.

Shortcake is literally standing on the magic box, and she barely comes up to their shoulders.

It got slow towards the end of the night, so Shortcake may have leapt through Santa's empty house without saying hi, and he dissolved into giggles.

Santa also got kinda bored, so he started mauling Shortcake's leg.  Again, not an HR issue because Shortcake is comfortable with Santa having worked with him for years.  He just started swatting at her knee with both hands.  Shortcake may have video of this, but it cannot be posted publicly because Santa has a reputation to protect.

The last visit of the night was Willie.  Remember Willie?  He believes in Santa so hard he comes every year, some weeks every day.  And Santaland has embraced him.  All the elves come to his visit.

Willie visiting Santa

The elves watching Willie's visit

Let's end with some photos of Shortcake in the strawboss hat, shall we?





Shortcake started contemplating her future as an evil overlord.

This is why Shortcake doesn't normally wear hats.  THIS.

Look at that cowlick!

Who do you think wore the strawboss hat best:

 

Cider or Shortcake?

Krampusnacht

Shortcake had more Christmas spirit back on Tuesday.  She likes opening.  She's always been an opener, even going back to her days as en elf.  The world just feels right when she opens.

It was an easy day.  Shortcake and Tumbleweed had a dance party to Cee Lo Green's "That's What Christmas Means to Me" while Santa got ready.  Santa completely ignored them while Shortcake and Tumbleweed danced it out.

Santa did need help putting his boots on.  Apparently, Cider helps Santa do this daily.  But Santa said Shortcake did a better job.  Ha!

The FDNY came to visit.  They've been making surprise visits throughout the season.  Jubilee said it was because Black Friday was so crowded and unsafe.  Shortcake had to stand by specific doors because... well, she's not really sure why.  But she did.  And one firefighter asked her how many Santas there were.  Shortcake said one.  He asked if that was what she was supposed to say.  And she answered in the affirmative.  The firefighter laughed a little and walked away.

After that excitement, Shortcake went and did calf stretches.  And then she made snowflakes.  Santa said she was good at it, but Shortcake feels she uses the same shapes over and over again and was dissatisfied.  Tumbleweed also made snowflakes, and she went to Pinterest to find instructions on how to make a good one.  Shortcake thinks the hardest part of snowflakes is making them six-sided.


Shortcake's first three snowflake attempts.

And here are some drawings Santa received this year:

Sunday Dec. 3

Yes, we know.  It's been a week since Shortcake posted, and you, dear reader, are wondering what happened to Shortcake.  Well.  Shortcake works two jobs, and sometimes has a social life, and straight up hasn't had time.  But on this Saturday, Shortcake has very little to do all day, so she's going to sit at her desk, listen to Christmas music, drink her hot tea, watch the snow fall, and blog all about the last week.

The day did not start auspiciously.  Santa was going to sit for a soft open at 8:30am.  Shortcake knew about the soft open, but figured it would be fine if Peppercorn swept in exactly on time to fluff Santa and send him out.  But Peppercorn didn't know about the soft open and had train troubles.  Santa almost went out on his own to stand by Freeze Frame.  It was so cute.  He held his own hand as if he was the strawboss while he walked to the door.  And then Shortcake intercepted before he made it out to the maze.  Peppercorn made it in at 8:45am, but she was, understandably, out of sorts.

The hilarious thing that happened is that Santa did not wear his own pants.  He wore someone else's pants.  And this was more than just a simple switch.  This was a triangle of pants switching.  Santa wore someone else's pants who wore someone else's pants who wore Santa's pants.

Santa's locker got jammed on Saturday night.  Some of the bro elves (you know, Little Star, Jinglesnaps, Dumpling, Frostbite, Snowball, etc) tried to open it with brute force, but it didn't work.  So Santa went back to the North Pole and came back with some tools.  And he reached into his bag and pulled out a tool and jimmied the locker and it didn't open.  So he reached into his bag and grabbed another tool and jimmied the locker and it didn't open.  So he jimmied it again from another angle, and it opened!  All thanks to his elf, Stanley the screwdriver.  Santa was so proud of himself, he stood up straight.  (Santa sometimes stoops over and slouches.)  Shortcake has never seen him so confident and proud.  

During a slow moment, Shortcake went to pull out her markers.  There were seven markers in the box.  Seven.  In a pack of eight.  A marker was missing.  WHERE WAS THE GREEN MARKER?  Santa kept telling Shortcake that Blissful was using it for Santa Bingo, but Shortcake didn't know what Santa Bingo was and also THE GREEN MARKER WAS MISSING.  WHY WAS IT GONE?  WHY WASN'T IT IN ITS PLACE IN THE BOX?

Shortcake's brain might have exploded.

Everything was fine.  Blissful had the marker and brought it back.

Santa gave Shortcake an EARS.  He saw that she was a little short (haha yes Shortcake is short) on Christmas spirit.  She just felt that she had used short (there it is again), demanding sentences with Santa and the elves.  She did not use the word "please" very often.  And Shortcake does not like not being polite.  Santa said he didn't take it that way; he understood it as "Shortcake is very busy right now."  He gave her an EARS "for being an amazing human who works her ass off and does it with Santa humor."

Also, Santa has taken to calling Shortcake "tiny one" because the shelf she puts his water on is above her head.

Wednesday the slow day

Well, kids.  Shortcake finally felt better on Wednesday.  She had energy, which was good since she covered most of Blissful's shift and her own shift.  She was at Santaland from 11am-9:45pm.  It was almost like Christmas Eve.  Except not.

Also, while Shortcake was feeling better, many other people got sick.  Two people called out, and Ruby, poor Ruby, the mom of a 4 week old baby, had a fever.  Of course she reached out to her fellow stylists: Gingersnap, Tumbleweed and Peppercorn.  Apparently Peppercorn exclaimed this out loud while going undercover at her other job:  "Ruby has a fever, and Gingersnap can only come in for a half hour, and Tumbleweed can only stay until 5pm, and I just need to call Shortcake!"

This is funnier if you think about Peppercorn sitting in a normal office while uttering it.

The NYFD visited Santaland.  Shortcake followed them around because they wanted to make sure all emergency exits were clear.  And there's this one exit that the strawbosses put wrapping paper over the opening between doors because people can peek through the gap and see Santa when he's on break.  And even Santa needs some privacy.  The NYFD was all "this needs to go" and Shortcake got all "not unless you give me a weather strip."  The nice Macy's maintenance man offered to get a weather strip, which seemed to mollify NYFD.  Shortcake is not the best at being deferential to government entities just because they are government entities.  When Shortcake left on Wednesday, no weather strip had been installed, and the wallpaper stayed.  The rest of the area was cleaned out, per NYFD's request.

Santa went on an event.  Snowball was his elf, and he was super excited to go on his first event.  Snowball has been with Santa for nine years and finally got to go on an event.  She talked him through getting into the car, what supplies he needed, what elevator to take...  Snowball did a good job.  

Two people lost stuff.  One woman claimed there was a boot in her stroller when she came into Santaland.  The stroller fell over, and the elves helped her clean it up, and they swear there was only one boot.  The woman claimed there were two, and then she demanded compensation for the missing boot. Shortcake kicked that complaint over to the white flowers.  And then later another man came back looking for a blue notebook.  Shortcake checked the house over and over again, and no notebook was found.

The best part of the day was watching the elves play with the guests.  Glitz had a jump party in the register room with some kids, and another elf played hide and seek with two other kids.  

And then there's elves at rest: Dumpling and Little Star

And here's Shortcake in front of a tree.  Just because.

Happy Child

Tuesday was another early morning for Shortcake.  It was HAPPY CHILD.  You have to say it in your biggest, boomingest voice: "HAP-PY CHILD."  It's one of Santa's favorite events.  Except.  This year there was a hitch.  Santa broke his wrist.  He was walking, and he tripped, and he needed to land on either his wrist or his head.  So he chose his wrist.  And it broke in 2 places.  He called Shortcake Monday night to give her a heads up. 

He was moving slowly on Tuesday and needed a bit of help to get dressed.  He needed stretchier gloves, so Patches went into the store and found him some white, stretchy knit gloves - with texting fingers! - to go over his cast.  Santa alerted his elf that the kids needed to be careful around him.  Luckily, at Happy Child the kids don't sit on his lap.  They come into the house and pick out toys and go their merry way.  Santa made it through the event without problems.  He had a doctor's appointment to find out if he needed surgery.  Fingers crossed Santa will be okay.

Other than Happy Child, it was a sloooooooooooow day.  Shortcake was hungry because she hadn't eaten all morning, so she got an acai bowl and a smoothie and some soup - all things easy to swallow with a smooth texture.

Shortcake discovered she could send e-mails from the computer in the Santa room, so she put together reminder e-mail drafts, covered some shifts, did all the paperwork that keeps Santaland running on the strawboss end.  That kept her occupied.

A quirk of an elf: Little Star wanders.  Like, he may be assigned to a position in the village, but if you're looking for him, he won't be there.  Shortcake literally stood in the center of the village and shouted his name.  All the other usher elves popped out.  Little Star popped out about 3 minutes later.

By the end of the day when Shortcake needed to hand things over to Cider, she had run out of fucks to give.  Pardon her language, but it was true.  And she didn't throw her hands up in the air, throwing away her fucks.  No, they fell out of her pockets as she slowly walked away and couldn't be bothered to pick them back up.  

Monday

Illness affecting hearing, no i learned to tune you out - snarky when sick - for 34 years

Shortcake worked the closing shift on Monday.  She came in early with Puncake for a special visit with Santa before her shift started.  It was Puncake's birthday!  And Shortcake forced him to spend his lunch break visiting Santa.Santa asked Shortcake what she wanted for Christmas, and she said he should ask Puncake first. So Santa asked Puncake.  And he said "a long and happy life with Shortcake."  Because he's sweet like that.  Which led nicely into Shortcake going off on a spiel including two Spider-Man references and a half-baked speech that went better in her head, but ultimately led to her proposing with Spider-Man rings.

No, Shortcake and Puncake are not officially engaged.  But they do have matching plastic Spider-Man rings.  So Puncake better not leave her for someone else.

Puncake said yes!

A Santa selfie

It took 4 people to take this selfie.  Jangles held the phone, while Puncake and Shortcake showed off their rings.

And then Puncake went back to work, and Shortcake went to talk to Cider and get the gossip from the weekend.  

And Shortcake had an extra Spider-Man ring, so she asked Cider if he wanted it, and he said yes.

He then said he didn't know what that meant for his and Shortcake's relationship, and Shortcake pointed out she had been his work-wife for years.

If you were wondering how Shortcake felt on Monday, you know, from the illness she'd been fighting since Thankgiving, well.  She was better.  It felt like there was lichen and moss growing on the back of her throat, or like aliens were colonizing.  Puncake swore he knew what she meant, and it was just a cold symptom.  Shortcake didn't quite believe him because she had never, never had this symptom before.  But Santa said he knew it too.  Bah, humbug.

The evening wore on, and Peppercorn came in.  Again, Shortcake and Peppercorn are the dream team.  They invented the Dream Team Christmas Hug.  It wasn't a thing before, but it is now.

It was a slow night - the first Monday after Thanksgiving always is.  There were gobs of vet elves on the night shift.  Fantastic vet elves.  And they're all tall elves which makes Shortcake's life easier.  Some of them were all five year elves.  They went to take a photo together, and a fourth year elf tried to photobomb, so Brownie literally shoved the fourth year elf out of the photo.  Hilarious.

Santa had two special visits.  A family of four came in to see him, and he asked the big kids what they wanted for Christmas.  The mom answered "a date night," and then she started crying.  And then the dad nodded and he started crying.  And then all the elves got all choked up, and Santa almost started crying.

On the other visit a big family came in to see Santa.  The matriarch of the family turned out to be someone that had gotten fired from her job years before.  She had gotten caught sleeping on the job, and she worked security.  Her unemployment was denied because she was fired with cause.  Santa apologized that he couldn't have done more to help her, and she said "Don't be sorry.  It made my life better."

As the night went on, Shortcake started running out of patience.  The last family finally came into the village, and an elf excitedly said "Santa's been waiting for you!" to which Shortcake muttered "and waiting and waiting."

Then as Shortcake was cleaning up to close for the night, Santa said something that Shortcake didn't hear.  So he said her illness was affecting her hearing.  To which Shortcake replied, "No, I learned how to tune you out."  Then she thought better of it and said "I'm sorry, I'm snarky when I'm sick."  And Peppercorn chimed in "for the last 34 years."

Everyone had a good laugh over that.

Autism Speaks

So last Sunday was Autism Speaks.  It was the first day Shortcake worked at Santaland this season.  She had to be there early because the event was at 8am.  What's the event, you ask?  Well.  It's a prearranged time when parents can bring their children who are on the spectrum to see Santa.  There's no music, the lights are muted, and the elves and Santa are trained how to interact with children on the spectrum.  It's a lovely event.

Here's the kicker.

The reservation system had reservations open from 7am-10am on Sunday.  Santaland didn't open to the public until 10am, but people showed up expecting to see him as of 7am.  The store wasn't even open.  So Santa had to see some people from the event AND people from the reservations.

Basically, the box office didn't talk to the production office about the performance schedule.

Insert roar of frustration here.

And we also had reservations for Monday and Tuesday.  We were going to soft open on Monday, forcing Cider to come in 2 hours early, (And Cider was NOT happy about that.  There may have been angry yelling texts exchanged.  Luckily, Shortcake is well versed in getting yelled toward over text.  No, that sentence may not have made sense, but yes, that is exactly when she meant to say.) but then the managers were able to e-mail the people with reservations (amazing what databases can enable) and tell them to come at 10am.  We did a small soft open on Tuesday because of another event - but that's Tuesday, and we're talking about Sunday.

The point is: Autism Speaks went well.  Once Santaland opened to the public, everything went smoothly.  We were busy all day, and it was Peppercorn and Shortcake aka the Dream Team.  Shortcake was still sick, so her energy was low all day.  She still felt confident about how she did her switches, and Santa was ready early after all his breaks.  Santa was at Breakfast with Santa forever.  He didn't come back up until after 1pm.  Good Lord, breakfast people.  Santa has other things to do, you know.

Oh, at one point Shortcake was walking behind Santa as he walked back into the Santa room.  He stopped to get water, but Shortcake didn't see him stop, so she walked directly into him.  Her face hit his shoulder.  Santa laughed and giggled at Shortcake.  She deserved it.

Here's the fancy vacuum Housekeeping uses to clean the Santa room.  It's labeled.  (If you can't see, it says "Santaland."


Puncake came to visit Santa after Shortcake got off work.



Santa asked Puncake what he wanted, and this time Puncake wanted a pet dolphin.  (Shortcake wanted self-discipline.)  Santa then quizzed Puncake on how he would care for the dolphin.  Here is a short play, highly paraphrased and subject to Shortcake's memory and interpretation:

PUNCAKE: I would like a pet dolphin.
SANTA: Do you have an aquatic habitat for the dolphin to live in?
PUNCAKE: I would also like an aquatic habitat.
SANTA: And what will you do to keep the dolphin entertained?
PUNCAKE: Play games.
SANTA: I like the way you think.  What games?
PUNCAKE: Basketball.
SANTA: Hm hm.
PUNCAKE: [some other game that Shortcake can't remember, but it doesn't matter]
SANTA: You lost me.
PUNCAKE: Water polo.
SANTA: And we're back.  And how will you engage the dolphin's mind?
PUNCAK: Build a maze.
SANTA: I like the way you think.

And then Shortcake and Puncake went home to do, wait for it, it's gonna be legendary, laundry.  But first Puncake found a musical instrument on the subway and played it.

Yeah, that green rafter steel thing has buttons you can push to make sounds.  This made Puncake very happy.