Last Tuesday Before Christmas aka The Return of Cider!

Soooooooooo much happened on Tuesday!  It wasn't crazy busy,but a lot happened.  First of all, we were under-elved.  Shortcake will get to that again later.  Because there are photos.  Many photos.  And to reveal it now would ruin the fun.

Ruby announced at the beginning of the day that it was her last Tuesday.  Santa kindly pointed out it was everyone's last Tuesday, and Ruby said, giggling, "I know."

Santa brought in sweet potato pie and it was soooooo good.

When Shortcake escorted Santa to his house, he said "Look at me!  I'm in the village!  Bring me all the children!  My preeeeeeciouuuussssss."  Santa was a little punchy at 8am.

Shortcake has been living on soup this season.  Mostly clam chowder.  And some bread.  So you can imagine her surprise/delight/wry grin when she came into the room to this:

BoB had struck again.

A mom came in with two kids dressed in jester elf suits - think red and green jester outfits, with bells and then add the word "elf."  One of the kids would not smile and just kept saying he wanted a train and reaching for his mom.  His mom was hysterical and loud and dashed out of the house to her stroller to get a train, then dashed in to be hysterical and loud again and bribe her children, and then they finally left.  Of course, the good picture was taken while the mom was out of the house.

A grown man came to see Santa alone.  He said his family has come for 19 years and taken a picture with Santa, but now his kids are teenagers.  His wife broke her foot, so she couldn't manage the trip, and without the leverage of mom pressuring the kids, the teenagers refused to come.  So he came and took a picture alone with Santa because he knew it was important to his wife.

Someone sat on Santa's knee and it tore Santa's coat.  Luckily, he had great elves with him at the time (Turducken and Huggins, Shortcake believes), and they got Shortcake, and she took him to Costume BoB, and Santa got a new coat.

Santa got some heartbreaking letters.

"When someone falls down I say are you okay until they say yes."


This is from an 18 year old who wants her sister and brother "to be happy this year and for them to shine at whatever they do."


And this is a drawing of kids playing with presents from a kid who said "Please give presents to people who don't have any.  I do not want any presents."

You know the elves get special pins if they do a good job.  Someone can also write an EARS (Elfin Award Recognition Service or something that leads to the acronym EARS) to commend elves for great things.  Well, Shortcake didn't get an EARS this year.  Nor did she get any pins.  But she knows she deserves them.  So she marched into the scheduling office and took the pins for herself.  Because she needs to be tangibly rewarded for her work.  And shiny buttons are the way to do that.


Okay, ready for the big reveal?  We were sooooo short-elved yesterday that elves from years past came back and made appearances.  These are elves who were still at Santaland, but had moved on to other roles.  And for one magical day, they went back to their roots.


Corn Syrup manning the front line!


Pumpernickel at Village Exit!  (Yeah, it's dark and hard to see, but he's there.)


Blip as backdoor elf!  (The position used to be called Santa elf.  They changed it.  Shortcake agrees it's a stupid name.)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Ciiiiiiiiiiiider!

When Santa found out Cider was elfing, he said "That's not fair.  That's like Derek Jeter playing T-ball."


Ruby helping Cider get dressed.  They met as elves, you know.  It took her back a little, to the beginning of the romance.


Is this not the cutest picture of Cider and Ruby ever taken?!?!


Cider as gatekeeper.  He's so annoyed.  He hates having his picture taken.


Cider as Photo Elf.  He's still got it.  Now, Cider's a great strawboss.  And Shortcake could not ask for a better colleague.  They started as elves the same year, you know.  Then they moved up to strawboss together.  They've been a team for five straight years, and Shortcake cannot imagine the job without him.  But.  Cider was also a really, really great elf.

Since it was Shortcake's last shift with Ruby and Cider, she hugged them both good-bye.  And Cider whispered in her ear "During this hug, my pants may be falling down."  And if that doesn't sum up their relationship, nothing else will.

Let's end with a picture of Santa and Shortcake.

Last Monday Before Christmas

The village wasn't rushed today, but Shortcake thinks that's because the strawbosses were super proactive about scheduling extra shifts.  So we were understaffed from ideal, but overstaffed from usual.  That was a terrible sentence.  Just go with it.  People called out sick, and one person forgot he was supposed to come in an hour early, so.

Welcome to the end of the season when Shortcake is forced to become a benevolent dictator.  Cider congratulated her.  Well, he actually said, "That's my girl."  Shortcake was ranty and cranky today.  She went on a rant about negotiations between employers and employees, pockets in women's pants, and how the clip on her headset was designed for people wearing button-down shirts (men) but Shortcake wasn't wear a button down shirt because do you know how hard it is to find a flattering button down shirt that fits her and doesn't gap at the breasts?    So the clip on the headset just hangs there, getting caught on stuff, and pulling down on the headset, so it gradually slides down her ear and pulls at her hair.  Everything is intertwined.

Life is hard.

It was a pretty easy day really.  Cider came in and reported that Spatula's wedding was lovely and they did, in fact, get married, and the food was good.  Oh, and he said he understood Shortcake's friend crush on Miss Denise now, and she texted him asking him to find this picture for her (Shortcake got a little jealous that Miss Denise texted him), but Cider and Freeze Frame can't find the photo.  And he doesn't want to tell her the sad news.  Disappointing people is a real thing.

We had a lot of school groups today, one of 120 people.  Shortcake was on that in a heartbeat and strawbossed the reindeer out of it.

Santa brought Shortcake a gift.

He's so sweet.

Last Sunday Before Christmas

You know how yesterday we expected to get slammed, and then it was cold and snowy and rainy and the line was totally manageable?

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA.

Today it was warm and not snowy or rainy and everyone who didn't come yesterday came today and the line was 3 hours long.  From the beginning of the day, we tried to get ahead of the line in the Village.  It was difficult as three people were out sick (one person was in the ER!) and Santa had three different events today.  Shortcake's ideal schedule was shot to the South Pole.  But then Shortcake strawbossed that dirty snow and made it better and strutted her stuff and had her very own dance party.

However.  There were still moments during the day when Shortcake is needed three places at once and people are talking to her from two directions and the headset is talking, and she's moving quickly with Santa - trying not to ruin Christmas - and she sometimes snaps at elves.  Or even Santa.  She doesn't mean it in a mean way, but more in a short, efficient way.  So she apologized to everyone afterward.  But she didn't feel too bad about because sometimes, not often, but sometimes, Shortcake needs to be a dictator to get her job done.  She always tries to be a benevolent dictator.  Sometimes she fails.

Often the gatekeeper will pass on a special request from a family via a very fancy technology known as the "doorbell."  And often times it will be rung when Santa is already in a house.  So then Shortcake just yells into the universe "He's IN the house!"  It makes her feel better.

Shortcake may have ruined Christmas today.  She went to visit Santa and there was a kid with a lot of questions.  A lot of questions.  Like "What is this present?  Where do you live?  What do you do with this?" And finally the kid left, and Shortcake went to Santa to check his hat and took his hat off his head, and the kid popped back into the house with a question.  "Do you have Thomas?"  Which, of course, Shortcake heard as "Do you have a comet?"  So not only did she not know what he was saying, she felt like she had just been caught in a clandestine pose because she was standing with Santa while he wasn't wearing a hat.  Santa handled it very gracefully and sent the kid on his way, while Shortcake stood there kinda frozen.  After the kid left, Shortcake helped Santa put his hat back on. 

For some reason, Shortcake is not good at remembering the elves' names this year.  She tries to call them by the right name, but then...  She calls someone Trollop.  Which is not an elf name.  Especially when the elf's real name is Toffee.

Remember Spatula? 

She got married today!  To someone she met at Santaland!  And because of that Tumbleweed worked a double today because Peppercorn, Ruby and Gingersnap were all at the wedding.  So Tumbleweed made puppy chow.  Which was delicious.

Remember the TMNT conversation from yesterday?

Santa gave Shortcake a Raphael toy!

Look!  Santa was featured in a Cubs fan's Christmas card!  Go Cubs!

Shortcake's friends came to visit Santa.  Isla was super into it, but Anderson was a little wary.

Santa said something very sweet to Shortcake today.  He said that the love and care the strawbosses show for Santa gets passed on to how he treats the elves and the visitors.  He said everything starts with the strawbosses.

Shortcake's family celebrated Christmas today.  Why, yes,yes, it is a week early.  It's a large family, and this was the only day they could all get together.  So Shortcake called, expecting to spend an hour on the phone talking to each aunt and uncle and cousin.  Instead she talked to an aunt, and two cousins and then got hung up on because the grandkids were opening presents.  As soon you go through puberty, the family doesn't care anymore.  (This is not to imply Shortcake recently went through puberty.  Shortcake went through puberty yeeeeeeears ago.  She is closer to menopause than puberty at this point.)  (Sorry if that broke your bubble.  Shortcake is, in fact, an adult female.  Adult females do, in fact, have menopause.)  It's a harsh world.

The Saturday Before Christmas Eve

For the Saturday before Christmas it was not that busy of a day.  Probably because it was a little cold (not Chicago cold - just a little cold) and snowing.  


Shortcake's snowy winter wonderland selfie.

And then the snow turned into rain.  The line never got longer than 2 hours, and it never made it onto the sales floor.

There is illness going around Santaland.  It's affecting everyone.  The elves.  Santa.  Shortcake.  But she's not really sick.  Just sometimes she wakes up with a sore throat.  And her voice is super raspy.  But she drinks lots of liquids and overdoses on Princess gummi vitamins and eats citrus.  But Shortcake may have made a disturbing revelation.  She actually watched the barista make her chai latte, and there may not actually be chai tea in her chai latte.  Which is a problem, as Shortcake has been relying upon chai lattes for caffeine.  Because Shortcake is often sleep deprived.  Because she has to be at Macy's at 6 or 7 or 8am.


Jubilee on the Saturday before Christmas Eve

Patches wins the award for most creative problem-solving.  Santa had multiple events today, and we had to get Santa out of the building to the car without being seen by anyone.  And Patches did it!  With help from the NYPD.

We got more post-its!  We strawboss by post-it.  It's a very effective communication system.  And we had yellow and pink post-its, but now we have green!

Shortcake received some distressing news today.  Santa thinks Leonardo is the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Donatello is the worst.  Now, Santa is a great person, but he is wrong.  Very, very wrong.


Santa was very sweet to Shortcake today.  He complimented her, told her she was fabulous, got her a tea for her throat, gave her a rose and offered her tickets to the New York Pops at Carnegie Hall.  She had to turn down the Carnegie Hall tix because Shortcake has to be a responsible adult.  She needs sleep.  She needs to post this blog and update e-mails.

Being a responsible adult is the lamest.


The rose Santa got Shortcake.

Short Jaunt to Chicago

Shortcake had a short jaunt to Chicago this week, while she wasn't at Santaland.

It was so cold in Chicago.  SO.  COLD.  Shortcake was not properly bundled.  You know why?  Because it was warmer than 20 degrees Fahrenheit in New York.  And, yes, fine, she is used to the cold at the North Pole, but Shortcake hasn't been to the North Pole in at least four weeks, and cold is bearable if you are properly bundled for it.

Anyway.  While she was in Chicago, she volunteered with the NPR news quiz show Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.  And she told Peter Sagal that the logo, when turned upside down, looked like a Dalek.  So.  You know.  Nerdity happened.


That's Bill Kurtis on the left, Peter Sagal in the middle, and the panelists on the left are (from left to right) Tom Bodett, Roxanne Roberts and Adam Burke.


Shortcake in front of the set!  Selfie style!

And Shortcake has also decorated her home for Christmas.

The Brooklyn Christmas tree.


The Chicago Christmas tree.  With presents!

Shortcake had quite the time getting back to New York from Chicago.  Chicago had a snowstorm, so Shortcake got herself onto an earlier flight to the East Coast.  (Santa needs his sleigh and flying reindeer.  Shortcake has to use conventional means of transportation.)  She was going to New York City.  The plane landed in White Plains. So Shortcake took a car ride to a train station to Grand Central (which was all decorated for the holidays) to a subway to another subway and walked in the door just before midnight.  Adventure accomplished!

Tues, Dec 13

So Tuesday was a Tuesday.  There was a stupidly long Express line for unknown reasons.  Cider didn't save the headset from the previous day, so when Shortcake came in, he was not wearing the Strawboss headset.  So Shortcake had to go find it, which was relatively easy to do since she labeled it.  THIS IS WHY WE LABEL THINGS PEOPLE.

Santa brought in treats for everyone - red velvet Oreos and peppermint Oreos.  Otherwise known as crack.  Seriously.  The peppermint Oreos were delicious.

The scheduling manager put Little Star, Jinglesnaps and Dumpling all in one house.  When those three are together, it creates a magical place called the "Bro House."  To make it complete, you add a Treetop.

Shortcake has a tendency to get a little... antsy when she's waiting for something.  If she's in the Village, this means dancing to the music.  With expressive gestures.  And sometimes it means entering a huddle with Dumpling, Turducken, Frostbite and Little Star to talk about absolutely nothing.  The huddle was mostly to emphasize how short Shortcake is.

Shortcake brought her ukulele in to practice.  She was working the closing shift, and nights are usually slower than the morning shift.  It gives her more time to practice.  She wrote a song!  It goes like this: "To-ny, I like your ti-ie."  Aaaaaaand Santa said Shortcake is getting better at the ukulele!  That's what happens when you practice somewhat regularly.

The CD player moved from the strawboss desk - where it was driving Shortcake nuts - to behind Santa's hairstylist.  Tumbleweed labeled it "Reindeer Radio" and now there's a nice way to display what CD is playing.

Interesting fact: every time Shortcake talks on headset (while close to the CD player), the CD player cuts out.  And then picks up in the same place as soon as she stops talking.  Radio waves!  Science!

Someone sent a scroll to Santa, so Shortcake had to check it out.


Look at this amazing letter to Santa!


And this is the back:

It's Santa as a parasite!  And, in Forrest's own words, IT IS NOT AN INSULT.

Friends visited Santa!

Brett and Amber saw Santa!

Santa had a delightful visit at the end of the night.  Buddy the Elf came by!  He usually comes by once a year, and he takes a photo with Santa and alllllllllll the elves.  Shortcake also took a Snapchat video of him and the elves using these Snapchat glasses.  Shortcake does not understand how it works because she refuses to join Snapchat.

Monday Monday

Hey ya'all.  It was a glorious, slow Monday morning at Santaland.  Shortcake got to sit and gossip with Peppercorn and Santa.  She didn't hit her steps before 3:30pm, that's how much Shortcake sat.  And Santa compared her to a dachsund.  You know, short, but doesn't know it or act like it, and forced to constantly look up.

And there was a joke about how Shortcake was #justlikejesus (since she is as #oldasjesus)  (Cider is #oldasjesus too.), but now she can't remember the joke.

So here's two lovely letters to round out the day.


This is a rainbow bird on the right.  And there is a cage for the bird to go in.  And the heart-shaped thing on the left is Santa.  You can tell it's him because it's red, and he has a belt, and he's shaped like a heart.

And this one.  This one is from a child who basically has the same list as Shortcake.

"I wish I had... Santa is 2 I phone 7s, a telaporter and a magic hat, a time machine, xbox with all the games, tools and wood and a hat that gives me $9999999999999999999999999999999"

So you see this, right?  There's a dollar sign, and then lots of '9's following it.


Page 2 and 3 of '9's


Page 4 & 5 of '9's


Page 6 & 7 of '9's


Page 8 & 9 of '9's


Page 10 & 11 of '9's


Page 12 & 13 of '9's



Page 14 & 15 of '9's.  Can we admire the dedication of this kid to the bit?


Page 16 of the letter and the kid switches to '8's!

Just because.

And then this is on the envelope:

"Dear Santa I will give you coke!"

Do you think it's cocaine or coca-cola?  Will we ever know?!?!