Saturday, December 3, 2016

Piss and Vinegar

Shortcake walked into Santaland on Saturday and was greeted by streamers and balloons and a sign that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIDER!"  Because Cider's birthday was on Friday.  Sadly, Shortcake couldn't be there for it, but she gave him a birthday card, and did her part to make his birthday as big a deal as possible.  Because Cider hates that.  Also, because he's now as old as Jesus.  Just like Shortcake.  He's only a mere 8 months younger than her.  

Shortcake had a not so happy surprise once she walked through the streamers.  An elf had gotten Santa's water.  Now, Shortcake knows this is a very sweet thing to do, and she should applaud the elf's intentions don't look a gift horse in the mouth, etc, etc.  BUT.  It is Shortcake's job to fill Santa's water cooler with ice and water.  And it's not like she was late.  Or busy doing other stuff.  She is perfectly capable of filling Santa's water.  And she does not take well to other people doing her job.  

Yes, Shortcake realizes how petty and small this sounds.  YES, Shortcake is aware she needs to just shut up and not say anything and let it happen.  Which, by the way, is what she does.  She just sighs and accepts it and says thank you as brightly as she can.

By the way, if Shortcake is smiling widely at you, but she's not laughing then she's probably inwardly sighing and ranting.  The wider she smiles, the more annoyed she is.  It's 'cause she's from the Midwest.  (Shut up.  Elves can come from anywhere.)

Oh!  And they were out of coffee.  Shortcake doesn't care, because she doesn't drink coffee, but Santa does, so Shortcake had to text people and ask them to bring in coffee.

It was a busy day, but what else do you expect on a Saturday?  We were understaffed with elves and there was a stupidly long register line.  Like, all the way down one hallways and stretching to the end of the other hallway.  Shortcake was unable to do her job because the register line was so long.  LAME.  

But there was the best surprise.  (Shortcake is all about the italics today.)  (Even though she read a book and a character in there chastised another character for using too many italics.  But you know what?  Ryan North uses capital letters in Dinosaur Comics.  SO THERE.)

Kyle & Pippin came to visit!  HUZZAH!  Pippin couldn't be at Santaland this year because she has a fancy job working with dinosaurs or something, but she still came by to say hi.  YAY!

Santa was in the best mood for the visit.  He was moving at a hundred miles an hour, filled with Christmas cheer.  He described himself as "full of piss and vinegar."  Shortcake asked him if he had coffee that morning, and he said "Yes, I had an espresso" and then hustled out of the room.

Look, it's not that great a story to retell, but Shortcake about fell on the floor laughing when he said that.

Here's what Santa looks like in action, visiting two adorable kids.

Standing on the magic box.

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